Thursday, April 28, 2016


sahm or stay at home mom.

i am not the type. obviously. i know many would think of me saying this made me become less of a mother. no, i am not. it is just a matter of preference. yup i do like to be around my son but i was a career woman long before i am a mother.

i love reading shit out of contract. i love to indulge myself in drafting. i missed the adrenaline during negotiation meeting...or (was it argument?)

dont get me wrong as i have so much respect for the sahm. the sacrifice the made. i am one of them now. it has been 3 months i ve taken the job as domestic goddes. im starting to love it.

but somehow there are some spots in here feel like it needs to be filled in.

i ve got job interviews next week. wish me luck. i ve attended quite few but none made it to employment.

as for now, pls enjoy this lil man who is currently so obsessed with car. and sleep with it

As always,


Friday, April 22, 2016

just wanted to try this apps. spent one dollar and let see if i can commit to blogging religiously. till then, enjoy this fella having a nap like a bawse!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, May 11, 2015


apa kabarrrrr? 

ok dah. jangan gediks sangat. awok tu dah jadik mak org!. surprisingly i am beginning to update my blog on weekly basis? huh...jangan berharap sangat nnt kuciwa beb. i dont have so much on my table now since oil price crisis and the company that im working with is one of the 0&g players, so business has been quite slow these days. and yeeehaaa i ve lotsa free time. before ni i dah cerita psl my pregnancy kan. so lets throwback on the DAY itself. 


yupp thats my son. H wanted to named him Daniel. i am not a fond of that name since ramai sgt nama Daniel nowadays. and i feel like org nama daniel ni must be tall, handsome...ada mix2 skit.. ala2 kokesyen gittew. obviously both H and i are pure malays. though my nenek has chinese blood, but that doesnt count lah... dah aku pon hidong penyek. but since H was so adamant to name our baby daniel, and mmy get to pick the middle/second name for the baby. 

i conceived him exactly 40weeks and 1 day. he was a big boy. tgk lah perot mmy masa peknen, mcm belon. he was born 4.2kg (besar kannn?) kan gua dah cakap!!! the night before he was born, i went to pcmc to self check in, as doc seri advised me not to overdue. bcos i have pcos, and the tendency of this and that,,blah blah blah..yad yada,,,, and i dared not to take any risk especially when i was carrying a life inside me. i taknak cerita pasal experience kena seluk sakit nak mampos rase mcm nak tampar midwife tu...upon self check in, i was already 3cm. but still no sign of labour, takde pecah ketuban ke...takde bleeding ke apa ke mcm drama melayu ngok ngek yg pecah ketuban basah satu rumah tu..tak merasa lah aku nak jadi drama queen kannnn..

so i was told to wait for the doc to come the next morning. dan mlm tu tidurlah aku kat spital menunggu esok hari. around 7am another nurse came to check my opening. since i complained about the midwife last night, so they sent nurse manager ( higher in rank) to perform the procedure on me. alhamdulillah yg ni dia seluk tak sakit langsung. but bad news is, masih lagi 3cm. at 8am, dr seri came and she also said i am still at 3cm. she gave me option to induce or not. i just let her decide wats best for me. taking into consideration of the risk, and so i was induced at 8.30am. after an hour, i felt the contraction spark..but not that painful..mcm kena gigit semut jew..hikhik..blagaks kan...few hours later, she came again to check m y opening. and still 3cm. and the baby's still not engaged...jauhhhhhhhhh sgt lagi katanye. i dah gelabah gila ok. why doc..izit good or bad thing????

according to dr seri, i can wait for the dilation but its gonna be sooooo painful. haaa normal lah kan dah kata nk beranak takkan x sakit? but then she gave another option since baby jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sgt lagi, and hse s not sure if bby boleh muat ke tak nak keluar tu since bby 4kg++..sorry lah i bukan doctor my term sgt lah layman nye...she offered me csect. kalau dah nama raidah salwa, mmg lah sgt i just go with the flow. nasib baik i tak breakfast pagi boleh laa dilapah secepat mungkin. masa we decided to go for csect it was already 1230pm. i tested mom and told her i ll be directed to OT at 1.30 and the ll perform the procedure on 2.30. 

knowing my mom yg cpt cuak tu..opkosh laa dia gelabah.. masa tu abah plk dh keluar gi solat jumaat, but i told her not to worry, they have the best ppl to help me at the OT, plus H will aso be in the OT. anything H will contact her.

cut it short, DANIEL NAJDAN was born on friday 14/11/14 @2.44pm at Prince Court Medical Center.  i sempat tengok dia for 1 minute je...lps diazankan, they brought him to NICU sbb paed said dani nampak biruuuu sgt. but he said things will be ok.

and later, the drama begun.

petang tu they sent me back to my ward. families mom dad and H has already waited there. i was so tired, sleepy and felt so numb. i just wanted to sleep. woke up at 8pm and asked about my son. H muka dh tak boleh blah dah masa tu. carefully he explained to me that dani had to be detained in the NICU bcos of breathing problem. the next day, also after magrib, the paed came and informed us that dani been diagnosed with spontaneous pneumothorax and his condition was quite critical. i burst into tears the second i heard of the word critical. they need to perform a procedure on him ASAP. masa tu both of us dah tak fikir about the cost and all that. H signed the consent form. i was on my wheelchair to NICU as i insisted to see dani before the perform the procedure on him. i have waited for one day to see him but since they couldnt bring him out from NICU, and i still couldnt walk..sakit nye nak bangun dari katil dgn beg kencing tu lagi dok usung tuhan je la yg tau..aduhhhh sakitnye tuh disini,

upon seeing him...i cried (again). yerlaaa sapa tak sedih kalau tgk anak berselirat dgn wayar and machine?

this is the first time i am sharing the picture. all this while we just kept it btwn both of us and my close family members, if one day you happen to read this dani, all i just wanted you to know that i wished i could trade my health and everything i have so u ll be in better condition. dalam blanket dia ade few lg wayar2 nye. 

below are the pics after the procedure was perfomed. dada dia kena tebuk lubang kecil untuk masukkan tiub. tiub tu utk sedut udara2 yg terkumpul dkt lung dia. i dont know how to explain this using the correct medical term. nampak tak plaster2 kat dada tu..kat situ la tempat kena tebuk. and it leaves him with small scar on his chest..nasib le anok jateyy..klu gegirl dh kurang hantaran ni..hikhikhik

the next day, kena jaundice plak...just a mild one. big boy kan? tak nampak mcm newborn my mom said.hahahhaha dh omak pon lahir dulu 4,5kg...ddy lahir 5kg..opkso le anak 4kg++ jugekkkk

day 3, the paed informed us that his condition was getting better. i felt so relief at that time. we made a frequent visit to the NICU. mom n dad came but only parents are allowed in the NICU. milk kicked in at third day, so i was supplying him with colustrum with the hope that he ll be benefited frm my milk. 

the next morning, paed came to my room and delivered us with bad news. he said the pneumothorax is recurring and they need to seek opinion from other neonatologist. his neonate had flew off for vacatuion. duhhhh they just informed us on day 4?????? nak marah pon tak guna kannnn... =so the paed called other hospitals and only glenneagles was willing to accept the case under dr. anada. 

day 5, dani was transferred to glenneagles and mmy was discharged from pcmc. tapi ade baik jugak la dani kna transfer to glenneagles as he ll be in the better hands. dr ananda is so excellent. on day 6, he infiormed us that it was nit a recurring condition, he was just not fully recovered, some ppl need 3 months to recover..some only need 1 day. but praise to Allah, dani has fully recovered on day 8.

gambar2 dani on his 8th days of life. he s getting better. dahtak pakai wayar and takde chest tube dah. just the oxygen box to normalize his breathing.

day 9, i got to hold him in my arms for the very first time. sedih nye tuhan je laa yg tau. lps 9 hariiiiiiii baru dpt dukung ank.
this tiny human has changed our lives forever. berat dia turun skit ,,..nampak kecik skit kan dr masa gambar awal2 tadi.

day 10, he was finally discharged from the gospital. alhamdulillah.. 

dan bermulah episod mmy meroyan tak cukup tidur, penat, mata panda, lapar, susu tak cukup, yada yada...yada..bla bla bla.....hahahha

alhamdullillah he s a healthy baby now. cergas sgt smp lotih omaknye...

Daniel Najdan, 
I LOVE YOU, son!

Tuesday, May 5, 2015


dah lama sungguh aku tak memblog. harini terasa macam nak memblog. mula2 ingat nak tulis pasal anak nantilah.ceta pasal peknen dulu. sabo yerr dano si dobot..u trun will come later. kasik chance mmy nk gebang psl mmy dulu. last aku post psl dani's first kick. masa tu aku 20w kot. lupa dehhhh...tapi being pregnant with dani was so easy. alhamdulillah aku morning sickness tak teruk. cuma hujug2 tu aku banyak muntah mungkin sbb perut dah padat sgt. bila mkn lebih skit rasa nk keluar balik. i gained abt 15kg..normal la tu... tak byk tak sikit.just nice. masa berpantang aku turun bayak juge sbb mama jg mkn aku...lps pantang blk umah sendiri..aku mkn mcm bela saka...mana tahan oiii..lapar gila breastfeed anak ni..sapa yg kata bf ank boleh kurus tu..uwaaaa tipu sgttttt...

sebnanye aku malas nk tulis hahaha so aku share pic je lah..sesambil tu boleh laa aku taip sikit2,

ini masa nk soping rayer..baru 22w rasanye..masa ni perut x le hebat sgt. dr mula aku peknen smp 30w berat aku naik 5kg je. firts trimester pon berat aku on naik kejap turun..mungkin sbb aku x makan byk sgt. selera kurang skit. makan nak bagi kenyang je.
haaaa ni masa 38w. jumpa fasha sanda kat pcmc. dia pon amik dgn dr seri. tapi dia ni sgt laaaaaaaa friendly. masa ni dia tgh pregnant raysha..bby no 2 dia. yg dia dukung tu ank org lain...ada peminat tu nak bergambar dgn dia...dia mintak nk dukung baby tu. bezakan muka aku yg lebar pinggan dgn si fsha peknen lawo je..aku muka bengkak air bagai

nii masa anniversary dinner aku. 3 tahun kawen...tahun seblom2 ni x penah celeberate pon. tahun lepas H tetiba baik aty bawak aku makan sini. mungkin sbb sian tgk makyong air liur meleleh...atau dia takot anak dia lahir2 nnt air iur meleleh..sbb aku asik la tny sdp ke marini ni...ramai org post gambo mkn kat sini cam best je. 

ni masa 33w...gemok lah masa ni...masuk 30w...berat aku naik dgn jayanye..mata pon dh makin kocik sbb pp dh mcm apa je tembam

ni masa aku 6mo++..x ingat brp minggu. dgn opismet aku..dedua pom peknen. yg tgh tu nad..bby dia girl. yg kanan tu eja..bby boy..see...girl kat tgh kena guard dgn 2 boys..

yg ni masa 36w. attend prep class utk bersalin. masa ni tekad sungguh nak beranak normal..hahahahha ok laa pasal normal n csect later aku ceta. tp aku ni mmg penakut sakit..hikhik

adoiiii berdarah mata lah tgk gambo ni...baju pink ni berat sebelom seblm tunang...i hetchu H..u buat i jd gini...uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 masa ni baru 17w. gender baby pon tatau instinct aku mmg kuat kearah bebird...biasala naluri mak2 sll tepat gitu

ni mase kat kuala sngor. g ikot rombongan meminang kazen aku. tgh panas gigih makyong bergambo..nak buat kenangan..esok2 nk tunjuk kat dobot haaa  mmy dia mase peknen awok..gojes takkkkkk?

banyak lagi gambar2 aku masa dlm nk transfer. bila throwback pic mase pregnant ni..aku rasa syahdu sgt. ntah laa mungkin sbb peknen ank first ni lain skit..yelaaaa first time kan...H layan tiptop le...asal sakit kaki je aku hulur kt dia..pepandai le jari jemari dia menjalankan tugas.klu dia wat bodo kang aku mula laaaa bgenang air mata...sory le dobot..omak ni mmg drama queen skit. first pregnancy sll nya mmg paling byk kenangan. aku rs smua org pon gitu. nak2 lagi utk org yg susah preggy mcm aku ni. alhamdulillah after 3 yrs Allah bagi rezki bby utk kami. ramai kawan2 aku tny tips aku boleh peknen. 

satu nye, aku mmg operate utk buang cyst dlm ovary aku. and lepas tu aku diet gegila. aku wat op tu november 2013. january 2014 aku start diet atkins. early march lps 2 bln diet..aku trn 8kg and dpt tau peknen. so diet tu sgt la membantu especially utk pompuan gemoks cm aku ni..hahahahdan yg paling utama, dh tentulah keizinan Allah. doa, usaha...tawakal. tu je lah yg aku mampu nk ckp. kalau dh usaha n doa, tapi belum smp rezkinya...bersabarlah...mgkn lambat sedikit...lain org lain lah ceritanya. been there done tht... 

ok time nnt aku post psl dobot tu plk ye

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

It was last two weeks after having iftar alone. hub went to iftar with office... i was sitting on the couch and waiting for the food to slowly travel to to my digestive system. and suddenly, i could feel some kinda movement on lower side of my abdomen. i dont know how to describe, it feels like there's fish swimming inside ur tummy. then i realize, it was you my dear. thank you Allah. i am so blessed. and last week, u have identified yourself to our gynae as baby naj...mmy loves u mucho lil peanut

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Next week saya akan jumpa Dr.Tan for 2nd time. Tecik will approx be 12-13 weeks. i am entering my 2nd trimester next week. but morning sickness getting worse.  I am not complaining, im just jotting down my pregnancy journey here in case tecik got time to read this in future...just in case, for you to know i have already fallen in love with you tecik..hihihi.

i have read so many post of fb from the pregnancy mom group. some of them were really heart wrenching. yesterday, a fellow mommy to be had lost her baby. she went for monthly check up and doc said there was no heartbeat. At 11 weeks (just like me) she was doing just fine, no bleeding, no nauseating, no nothing. And she thought baby should be fine and healthy inside. but Allah has a better plan for her. Her baby will permanently be a resident in Jannah, and will be waiting for her there. And i forgot to mention here, she had waited for 7 years for her first pregnancy. Dear, friend, i pray you be strong and keep faith in Him. He works in His mysterious ways. Pasrah and redha, insyaallah you will get through this.

i just pray and hope that tecik is doing well inside. Jump, kick, scratch, do whatever you want to do child, i dont mind. even if that means i have to wake up every hour at night to pee, or having to vomit every morning or suffering with alot of heartburn...then so be it. i just want you to be a healthy baby throughout these 9 months. mommy and daddy really cant wait to meet you in november.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Hello there Tecik

Dah berbulan tak menulis. Bukan lah busy mana pun. cuma tak ada feel nak menulis. Tapi hari ini saya mahu berkongsi berite gumbire. 

Last november i had my surgery with Doc cantik at Pantai hosp. Tak sakit on.... sapa nak try silalah. procedure nye hari Rabu, hari khamis tu saya mcm pening2 kepala lagi..mungkin akibat ubat bius. Badan pon berangin asik nk kentut saje. bila ade pelawat, trpaksa tahan. hihihih. hari jumaat sudah discharge. Terus balik rumah mama. Hari sabtu sudah berjalan ke AEON rawang tgk wayang. hari isnin sy sudah drive kereta. tapi mc doktor bagi dekat 3 minggu. hahahah..indah nya hidup tika itu.

start 1 January 2014, sy mulakan rejim diet dgn penuh kesungguhan. selama 2 bulan sy bermusuh dgn karbohidrat, hasil nya? i lost 8 kgs in 2 months. No exercise, no starving. i likeeeee....!!! oh lupa, lepas buat OD dgn dr adilah, i stopped all clinical treatments, ubat pon saya tak amik..supplement pon sy stop except for folic acid. kenapa saya tak buat follow up treatment? IUI, IVF ke? sebabnye adelah,,,H masih kat Miri. bayangkan masa nk buat IVF tu, H offshore or on standby kat miri tak boleh balik... so sia2 je $$$.. thts why i decided not to continue treatmnt at hospital and focused more on losing weight to stabilize my hormon. 

so on march, i went to company's teambuilding at PD. Masa tu i skipped my diet sbb rasa perut lapar and nafsu suddenly memuncak (nafsu makan)... seluar jeans tu pon mcm dh nk ketat balik.konon nye lepas teambuilding nak diet baliklah. hahaha in ur dreams bebeh. masa ni selamba je i participated in all aktvt lasak main lari2 la apa la... lps teambuilding, sy terus ke legoland joined my family for an outing with the kids. dekat legoland, i really had a fun time. naik segala to nenek ride kat dlm tu...i was late about 45 days dh masa ni..but i just couldnt be bothered bcos i have irregular cycle. sbb sblm pergi teambuilding dh buat upt test tp takde pon double line. so masa pegi legoland yg sy pikir cuma...nak enjoyyy..hahah

balik legoland tu rase nak demam..pinggang rase sakit la..nak muntah la. so my colleague (nad) ajak beli upt. sebab dia pon dh delay 2 days. easy case for her sbb dia ade regular period and tak pernah missed. so menapak la both of us to klcc semata nk bli upt tu. i beli brand murah je sbb taknak kuciwa la beli digital tu mahal2..kencing atas tu and got negative...seee hw negative i am? not good so dont follow tht hahaha. after lunch i took half day and balik rumah baru tringat nk try test strip.  so i peed...haha tu pon nk cerita. lps tu i saw double line slowly emerged from the test window. mata stil kelip2 as tak percaya..could it be false alarm? ke test strip murah? sbb tak puas hati i drove to solaris and bought clear blue digital. tapi nk gak jumpa doc so i stopped by at one of the clinics there. jumpa doc...i showed him upt yg sy buat lat rumah. he said 100% i am pregnant. but i insist on blood test.takut harapan pelesu lagi. lepas amik darah i mintak dia scan, tapi x nampak apa lagi as doctor convinced me it is still too early.

so he asked me to pee..masuk toilet klinik..i did both upt yg klinik punya and the clear blue digital tht i just bought earlier. tak sampai seminit yg clearblue tu tulis pregnant 2-3 weeks..lps tu tgk yg klinik pny upt pon double line terang benderang...nangis i dlm toilet. lps balik klinik terus whats app pic yg klinik punya upt kat H...mamat tu blur gila dia x phm, and ms tu dia tgh mkn dgn his friend..dia pi tunjuk kat his friend farid. farid said, kalau ade dua line tu pregnant la...hahaha blur btol H ni. habis dah si farid tgk saya punya urine stain. hahaha sorry farid

and now i am 11 weeks with Tecik inside me. doakan saya and tecik smp selamat 9 bln ye.


if you happen to read this in future, i just want u to know that it is a long wait before u came, but it's worth every single second and ddy shed tears in front of his friend farid when he got to know about your existence..air mata jantan tau tecik, its not that easy, but it's tears of joy. i really hope and pray that someday you will grow up and appreciate all that we ve done to welcome you to this world. we ll be seeing u in 7 months. be good and hang in there tough baby. we love you to the moon..jupiter and mars

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary dear Husband. 
2 years....and counting.
I love you before I met you.
And will love you till Jannah.

Monday, July 8, 2013

mengeluh...perkara biasa bila penat, letih atau tak dapat benda yang dihajati (read: doa belum makbul lagi)

ada orang mengeluh banyak kerja di pejabat.
tapi keluhan orang yang jobless lebih teruk. 
jadi siapa yang lebih layak mengeluh?

ada orang mengeluh makan banyak, bandan gemuk.
tapi ada orang mengeluh tak ada duit untuk makan.
jadi siapa yang lebih layak mengeluh?

ada orang mengeluh kena jaga parents yang dh tua.
tapi keluhan orang yang tak pernah rasa kasih saying ibu bapa lebih hiba.
jadi siapa yang lebih layak mengeluh.

ada orang mengeluh penat jaga anak.
tapi ada orang usaha berbagai cara untuk dapatkan anak.
jadi siapa lebih layak mengeluh?

dalam apa jua keadaan, kita tak layak mengeluh. cuma tarik nafas dalam2, muhasabah diri, lipat gandakan usaha, doa dan tawakal. nahhh...cubalah. hidup pasti aman, hati pasti tenang. insyaallah.

selamat menyambut ramadhan almubarak. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

My tiny little angel

Would you wear pink or would you wear blue?
i ll never know
or hear your sweet coo
or see those tiny little fingers

how the thoughts of you just linger....

it was only for 4 weeks. but you'll always be remembered. i love you forever my tiny little angel.


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